Feminism Vs. Submission

As a practicing Catholic and a member of a charismatic group, I was taught by my women leaders to be a submissive woman of God. Being a woman, I have to obey to my man's will and desires. I have to follow the directions he would lead our relationship or relationship in a group. I have to be loyal to him as he is loyal to me. Most of all, waiting for the man to approach me in courtship rather me--approaching him or courting him. Being with the community for such a time, I never failed to follow such aspects of our spiritual life.

On the other hand, I am a teacher of literature and reading. I also love reading books which opened my mind to the wonders of the world, but contradicted my religious beliefs. Since reading maketh a full man, my mind was opened to feminism. That I am also a human being, that I do not just live for the benefit of a man, but also for the benefit of the world. That if I like to do something, I should make it possible without considering any boundaries. Let not a man bar my way to succeed! My ideas should also be respected! That I can also lead the relationship in domestic aspects! That waiting is an option!

Seeing these extreme differences, I came to realize that I don't have to belong to any of the two sides. Not because I'm a lukewarm person (which according to the word of God--- it is cowardice), but because I also have my own approach to life. Yes, I will serve my man, but I should also love myself. Yes, I will love my man, but I should also respect myself. Yes, I am yearning to be the best wife, but I shouldn't be pressured by it. Life is loving oneself, others, and God.