Doushite?

I haven’t asked this question from you personally, but I would like to ask you now. Why? I cannot help, but ask you why? Ever since I wove what happened between September 19 to October 30, I couldn’t help myself but ask you WHY? You couldn’t wait or you were not just sincere? I cannot move on, yet. I guess so. Because you didn’t even say a word about this. I had entrusted 1/3 of my life to you, but WHY? Without further ado, you decided it yourself. You never mentioned that you were leaving. You also didn’t mention you were asking somebody else. Please realize that you have left a bitter taste in my life. I was very honest to tell you that I want time to decide, now time has indeed decided that we are definitely not meant for each other.

Why now? Now that I have slowly opened my heart for you. Now that I am trying to accept being with you for the rest of my life. Oh, how my heart cringe for explanations, how you crushed it with sudden realization, I could feel the brokenness. I believed in your words, yet you deceived me. I tried to accept you, yet when I finally am ready to accept you, you let me go.

Oh, what a god-forsaken truth. Let me wash you over with tears, yet I cannot cry. I feel remorse, yet all I do is stare at nothingness. Doushite? Atashi mo, aishiteru desuyo. Atashi suki desu yo. Doushite? Why did it end here?

some thoughts

i just came home from the mountain and my sister shouted at me…she’s been pestering me for the past few days and i hated it…she kept on insisting that i broke the fridge which i didn’t do…duh! Seriously, i’m dead tired from the 3 hour ++ trip we’ve had from brgy pansol, taal, batangas…we had an immersion for 3 days and two nightes which turned out to be a “vacation” and an “excursion.” We went to the river that looks like stream because there were few trees in the banks. We saw mothers and women washing clothes, bathing, and children playing. It was a wonderful experience to take a bath there (hehehe!). Too bad, I wasn’t able to capture the moment since we’re not allowed to bring our phone and camera in our foster family’s house. Anyway, it was like being in a natural spa. I laid on the water and feel the rush underneath. The stones massaged my back, it really soothes my tired back. It was once again a relaxing way of releasing stress from my dead tired body.

Anyway, I cannot stop but admire God’s wonderful creation. Great experience!

Tomorrow, I’ll be hiking another mountain which is Mt Daguldol tomorrow. Wish me a good trip! *wink*

Wanted: Japanese boyfriend!

These days, I am learning Japanese conversation because I want to have a Japanese boyfriend. Funny, right? I don’t why I am so fond of Japanese these days. I have always dreamed of having one. I already experienced being lovey-dovey with a Korean guy, but never had experienced it in a Bishonen. For the past few months, I have tried to learn how to cook Japanese food, making bento, and eating sushi. I didn’t really like sushi before, but I have learned eating and enjoying it as well. Then, awhile ago, I was talking to a friend living abroad, he is also learning Japanese. However, he cannot understand what I am saying. I became an “otaku” to him since I taught him a lot of simple Japanese words.

Anyway, I actually want to talk about my feelings below, but I just don’t know how to start it, so here it goes.

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Several months ago, I met this person whom I thought I’m going to live and die for, but I recently learned that he found his one true love. I was so shocked to know about this, but I have to keep it lightly. I believe everything happened for a reason. Having into all sorts of relationship in the past, I became skeptical meeting someone and going into a deep relationship with him. I thought that if ever I have another relationship, it has to be with a sincere person. All the while I thought he was sincere, but he was not.

Is this crying over spilled milk or maybe sourgraping? I don’t know. I just felt betrayed.

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Ack~! So serious, eh?